There is a conversation I have had more than once, and it usually begins in a way that surprises people.

Most married people will say “I still love him… I just don’t like him right now.”

And the moment she says it, there is often a quiet sense of guilt that follows, as though she has admitted something she shouldn’t feel. Because in many Christian spaces, love is emphasized so strongly and rightly so, that we sometimes leave no room to speak honestly about what it means to actually like the person you are married to.

But if we are going to have honest, mature conversations about relationships, especially marriage, we have to be willing to acknowledge something that is both simple and deeply important:

You can love someone and still struggle to like them.

And more than that, you can love your spouse and still feel disconnected from them.

This is where many people become confused, because they assume that if love is still present, everything else should naturally fall into place. They assume that love should be enough to sustain connection, closeness, and enjoyment within the relationship.

But love and like, while connected, are not the same thing.

Love, in its deepest sense, is a decision. It is a commitment that is not easily shaken by circumstances or emotions. It is the choice to remain, to forgive, to extend grace, and to stay anchored even when things are difficult. Scripture gives us a picture of this kind of love: patient, kind, enduring, not easily angered. It is not based on how we feel in the moment, but on who we choose to be in the relationship.

That is why many people who are struggling in their marriages can still say, quite truthfully, “I love my spouse.”

Because love, especially within a covenant, does not disappear simply because the relationship has become difficult.

But liking someone is different.

Liking someone is about connection. It is about enjoyment. It is about the ease of being around them, the respect you feel toward them, and the way you experience their presence. It is what makes you laugh together, talk freely, and feel emotionally close.

And perhaps the simplest way to understand it is this:

Liking is what builds friendship.

And friendship is what makes love feel alive.

Because when you genuinely like someone, you want to spend time with them, not just out of obligation, but out of desire. You enjoy their company. You feel at ease in conversation. You appreciate who they are, not just what they represent in your life.

This is why friendship is such a critical part of marriage, even though it is often overlooked.

Many people focus on romance, commitment, and long-term compatibility, but they do not always consider whether they genuinely enjoy each other as people.

And yet, over time, friendship becomes one of the strongest indicators of whether a marriage will feel fulfilling.

Because life does not always remain exciting.

There are seasons where responsibilities increase, where stress is present, where routines take over. And in those seasons, what sustains connection is not just love, it is friendship.

It is the ability to sit together and talk.
To laugh, even in small moments.
To feel comfortable, understood, and respected.

Without friendship, marriage can begin to feel like a partnership built on responsibility rather than connection.

And this is often where the shift begins.

Not with a dramatic event, but with gradual disconnection.

Conversations become shorter and more functional. Time together becomes less intentional. Emotional sharing decreases. Small frustrations go unresolved. And slowly, the relationship begins to feel heavier.

Love may still be present, but the lightness that comes from liking each other begins to fade.

This is why many people who eventually separate or divorce will say something that sounds confusing at first.

They will say, “I still love them.”

And often, they mean it.

But what has been lost is not love; it is the sense of connection, enjoyment, and friendship that made the relationship feel meaningful on a daily level.

Without that, love can begin to feel like duty.

And duty, without connection, becomes exhausting.

It is important to understand that this shift rarely happens overnight.

People do not simply wake up one day and decide they no longer like their spouse.

It happens through patterns.

Through repeated interactions that slowly shape how one person experiences the other.

It may be through communication that feels disrespectful or dismissive. Through emotional absence, where one person no longer feels seen or heard. Through unresolved conflict that creates quiet resentment. Or through habits that gradually erode admiration and respect.

These things, over time, influence how we feel in someone’s presence.

And how we feel in someone’s presence determines whether we continue to like them.

This is where honesty becomes necessary.

Because sometimes, when someone says, “I don’t like my spouse,” what they are really expressing is, “I don’t like how I experience them right now.”

And that experience is often shaped by patterns that can be addressed.

But addressing them requires humility.

It requires the willingness to look not only at the other person, but at ourselves.

Because in every relationship, both people contribute to the environment. And that environment either nurtures friendship or slowly weakens it.The good news is that liking, just like connection, can be rebuilt. It is not something that disappears permanently.

But it does require intentional effort.

It requires returning to the small things that create connection, respectful communication, shared moments, and genuine curiosity about each other’s thoughts and experiences.

It requires making space for each other again, not just physically, but emotionally.

It also requires grace.

Because rebuilding friendship is not about immediately fixing everything that feels broken. It is about choosing, consistently, to move toward each other rather than away from each other.

From a faith perspective, this is where love and like come back into alignment.

Love provides the commitment.Friendship provides the connection.And together, they create a relationship that is both stable and enjoyable.One without the other feels incomplete. Love without friendship can feel heavy.Friendship without love can feel unstable.But when both are present, something shifts.

The relationship becomes a place of both security and warmth.

A place where two people are not only committed to each other but genuinely enjoy each other.

And that is what many people are actually longing for.

Not just to be loved.

But to be known, enjoyed, and chosen daily by someone who not only loves them, but also likes who they are.